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Its funny how people can assume things the way they like...Minds work in such different and interesting ways!And even disgusting ones!
What somebody wants to understand of another person only lies in his frame of mind! Even after years of friendship, somebody can value you as a nobody based on his/her mentality and perception of things!
It feels so awkward being that nobody today, so idiotic and what a disgusting feeling! To actually be thought of doing things, that would never even cross my mind, is a feeling that isn't new to me. But sometimes, when the toll becomes too much, it comes across differently. You actually feel like a loser, being there and doing everything in your capacity to save a relationship, but one fine day, you hear all these things, and you feel like succumbing to the declining tide of the relationship. You dont have much in your control when everything you have tried fails to change the other's mind. Its all in the mind, one thing that no gadget can outsmart, one thing that is totally controlled by unknown and incomprehensible forces!
I hate the complexities of it...maybe because I fail to understand how it operates! My hatred may relate to me being taken as a culprit for nothing, but there's a point to which people can stretch! What I don't understand is that, dont they realize that point, before blaming, before accusing, before acting so retarded! Or are their minds so clogged with filth that they can't fail to understand things at all!

Minding its own business....

A natural backup for all your actions
A place where ideas constantly pop
When idle, it can become nasty
Its even called a devil's workshop

An abode of good memories
Also building walls of grudges
It can choose to cherish the good times
The unpleasant ones it may perish

It could be stable or never in peace
Different yet one of its kind
Home to several dreams and desires
A constant flicker of thoughts is the mind

at the Crossroads....

A lot of times, we relate our lives with the crossroads. That's such a perfect metaphor to define the confusion and dilemmas that we face so many times in life. They define all those times when you have a difficult choice to make or know that your decisions could have repercussions on others or even worsen already difficult situations. And those are the crossroads that I'm standing on.
Making choices has never been easy for me, even if they were the minutest of things. So now that I'm at the intersection of roads that lead to totally different paths, I really don't know which one to take. At times the frustration of so many other things, may make you feel like being impulsive and taking that road that really leads to the destination you want to reach. But when you have the time to think about things in depth, then you realize that your impulsiveness may not be the smartest decision to take. Rather it could be the one that makes you regret later on. So you turn your head towards the next direction, and think that you may consider the road ahead. Considering that it gives you time to sort your current situation and to make a compromise between what you have and what you want, it looks like a smarter move. But suddenly, somehow while you were trying to make a smart choice, other winds have blown and conditions have worsened. You may be thankful for a minute that you were lagging or the smart choice wouldn't really have turned out to be that smart! As time goes, you feel things are alright the way they are, and again its pretty much beyond your control to change things, because of the conditions around you. Gradually, you realize, you're back to square one and sulking at your surroundings again. Back to the dilemma that you were facing because somewhere the frustration has returned and made you realize how unhappy you are. And during all this time you're even aware that the decision you take can have serious repercussions on others as well. So there you are, with a guilty conscience adding to the roads that define what you want, what you have but don't want, and so many ifs and thens. That's the time you hate being standing at the crossroads...they are not as fascinating as the sound of the word itself...

PoW

Refuge was my synonym for home
For the latter I hadn’t seen in years
My space in the tent had become smaller
As others had joined in to share my tears

The overpowering urge to flee
Had diminished into a wishful thought
A sense of withdrawal had taken over
Knowing that my life was options-drought

I was belittled by my own frame of mind
Which had been deprived of any sanity
Feeling as helpless as a small child
I dwelled in the collective bondage of humanity

Questions about the length of survival
Often clogged my mind in doubt
As death seemed closer every passing day
Food, medicines & security we had been without

Disgusted by my dreams of freedom
I wondered what I had to live for
For I had shrunk into a fight for existence
Becoming just another Prisoner of War

Randomness....

It's my first blog and of course, I dont know what to write about! But I can still write something at the same time, that's what I like about the randomness of writing...there's something random about everything......
Random...my favorite word....I want to meet whoever came up with it! Its one word that you can take refuge of when you're head doesn't work and you fail to think of creative adjectives to describe a thing (that happens a lot with me). So when someone asks you something like.....well what do you write about....umm..nothin really....anything random! or why do you look so lost....what r u thinking of?? you dont really wanna say wht you were thinkin of for the fear of the other person taking you as someone retarded...but ya you can go like...well ..nothing specific..just random thoughts...and that closes the topic...wow...random...i luv you!
So why did i create this blog....there maybe quite a few reasons. One, to make sure that I dont lose touch with writing, someone told me, when you kno ppl are following your blog, that tends to motivate you to write more, which makes sense to me.
two, it was a random thought, I was browsing, and just thought why not give it a shot!
well, those two are enough, i dont think its so necessary for me to think over the reasons for my blog, there are a lot of thoughts which zoom past your head in the 24 hour day, but so many are forgotten coz we cant pen them down. I was always reluctant to create a blog in the beginning, bcoz i wasnt sure if i wanted ppl to read about what i thought of everyday, or not even sure of whether i would be able to confidently write about it in the first place. but anywho, its fine, as long as i can write some of it in the beginning and start to feel confident about it later....
okay...so this one was just to give me a kickstart, the post may not make much sense, but i had to start somewher, from random to why i wanna blog, and yeah this is a very random post....so what its ok!