Back to Square zero

It wasn't a really eventful Thursday. It was rather a depressing one. One of those days that brings you bang face to face with reality. So it started off with my meeting with a guy who runs an ad agency...something I'd been looking forward to all week. Of all the days, today I had to sleep more than required and obviously I ended up running late, but thankfully it was only by a difference of 5 mins. Anyways that sorted, we had a discussion regarding my much-spoken-about and not-even-a-trifle-built career in advertising. What we began with, we ended at. Well, what to do, the timing of things has been so wrong lately. Or maybe its been right...I don't know and don't want to even assume. Anyways the interesting bits were, he took me around the agency, gave me a glimpse of how it feels like to be working there, the atmosphere, the WORK (great campaigns, ads, designs), and awards etc. It was a great place, nice and bright, a sort of excitement in the air, a sort of comfort as well. Yes all this wasnt bad at all. The uneventful part is the crux of the whole thing, which obviously has been the same all along. But coming home and realizing what you've been waiting for for the past year or so, the things that you've been looking forward to may never happen is not all that happening. I was feeling miserable on the journey back home and unfortunately thanks to the now-rapidly-picking-up traffice of Dubai, it was a long one.
Ok so am going to stop my story here, primarily because I don't want to dwell over this anymore than I already have. The rest of the day was of half-hearted shopping for a gift and of course of sinfully killing the hunger that pounds on the insides of your stomach after every shopping experience. ( I should replace the word 'shopping' with 'checking out stuff and finally picking up something' ) About shopping, there's one thing thats really true, at least with me. The last half hour or one hour (depends on how much time you've devoted to shopping), is the most productive. Isn't that weird, why do I find all the best things just when I'm going to give up all hope and tag the place as good for nothing! Or maybe its just psychological to look for better things keeping higher expectations in the beginnning but when all else fails you (or I for that matter) start noticing things that didn't look that exciting before. Anyway who cares as long as you get something!

Yeah so I have changed the title of my blog....because thats whats happening with my life at the moment! Its like a long wait...for what I can't really gather, its a lot of things.
But I'm not over with the problem of the T junction. Like i had feared, my decisiveness reflected in my last entry on my blog has bee waning away in the past few days. Of course I'm doubting I would prolly have to go for that turn which is not really what my heart wants....but like always...its the frickin 'smart choice' that I have to make!
I don't know why this has to happen all the time....I cant even say that the timing of events has been wrong in my life. It has been right on time...but still it just doesn't seem to fit right. Or maybe I'm at a constant rebellion with my life and have taken a silent oath to perpetually sulk! Whatever it is, I'm in a dilemma or rather knowing that things won't work the way I want them to, I would describe it as a feeling of helplessness and a tide of silent fury that wants to become violent at times!
On one hand, i just dont wanna complain and crib with whatevers happening, because things are not as bad as they are with other people (U know i'm talking about the goddamned recession) I hate even mentioning it coz I think i'm tired of hearing that word! But yes, people are in a mess and what's worse, nobody knows when they'll be able to get out of it! I think everybody who is not in so much of a mess, should thank God at the moment. That's the least you can do (look who's talking!) But you know, humans are born critics....at least most of them! They love to criticize their situation coz prolly thats one thing they're good at! And I'm human after all......(that's my phrase-that-takes-some-blame-off-you.....and you have to keep it for the end!):P:P

So am here again to shed some more tears into this blog! Just when I had things pre-planned in my head and thought they were going fine....again came the crossroads of my life. Well, this time its not really the crossroads but more like a T junction. Because this time its not about having so many options to choose from but rather, about going either this way or that. So yeah, its more like a now or never situation. But again there are the 'odds' of the 'now' and the 'never' is too much to put at stake! So what does miss confused mind do??
I would go for the battle....stick to the 'now' but I just hope a time doesn't come when I'm bloggin about how my choice didnt work out. That's my biggest fear right now! And guess what, when you relate that to many minds harping in a typical Indian mentality, you feel like you shouldn't say that something exceptionally nice is going to happen or it would actually not happen! In a more typical situation, the keeper of such beliefs would not discuss a prospective opportunity with his/her fellow friends or associates in the fear that they might silently curse it and end up ruining it for you. I was having this conversation with my friend, and we both thought how differently the Westerners take it. They would be direct and open with their ideas and least speculative of the harm the other person can do by merely listening to your ideas or situation! Anyways the point was, when you're fearful of something and you confess of your fears to too many people, you again begin getting a doubt in your head of whether you should have even spoken about it or rather kept it under the covers. Even if you dont really believe in those idiotic superstitions...Well thats it I was trying to say!

So back to my problem. You know, you reach this stage in life and realize you have maybe not even a few years to enjoy and have the time you always wanted. And that makes you want to rush because there's no time left. How you wish you had made some wise decisions before and how things could have been different! But again, you console yourself saying that whatever happens, is for a good, for a solid reason, whether you ever figure out or not, the reason should be good!
God...I'm on my trip again, drifting from one vague topic to the next...really not making sense. But at times you can't explain things right from the start. Rather you want to vent out your frustration in a way thats not completely hard-hitting but still makes enough sense to you. Anyways its only natural that when you're frustrated, you feel like you're tackling the world's biggest problem! hehe...why did i say that, I don't know!
Now honey, there's enough and more work to do, so well I shall motivate my self to gerruppp and get my ass off the couch and do somefin' about it!