Finally finallly.....i fixed my internet connection! god..thats such a silly thing to be happy about! but i think with a great weather, u can be happy about almost anything! why couldnt it just last the year round?
I sometimes wonder how people get stressed over work during weekends...I have to struggle thinking of where do i have to start from every Sunday! Am i the only one..or what is it? Even with all this recession and subsequent terminations we r doing...the weekend just pushes away all thoughts of work just like the wind erases any writing on the sand....Ok that got a bit too much...but well thats what the weekend is s'posed to do! So why are people such worrywarts in life?
My worry is why dont i worry?? What a shame to be saying that! but whtever,,, sometimes I want my mind to think more than it does, and worry more than it does....
its not like i dont worry at all...but these small tensions result in a few mood swings...which are soon forgotten...But why not more? I dont wanna be one of those types to not be bothered about whats happening in my life as well as other ppl's! And i so hate it when ppl say ..U look like ur in ur own world..(yeah i got one of those yesterday) Aloofness can take so many forms & we dont even realize....! Ok im writing some crap...But thats what is my tension....again this tension lasts for a while and then my mind is soon relaxed about it!
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Weekend bliss
The end of another weekend...and comes back that same awkward feeling. There's a hesitation that is inexplicable, at the same time there is a feeling of restlessness...Damn its the same ol' dreaded feeling of going back to work! Yuck....
Especially when you're one of those who have nothing to look forward to at work...same monotony, and a busy Sunday (for those living in the ME), and the same urge-to-do-aargghh!
Some weekends really feel blissful, some when you maybe on your own, not wanting to do much, but just enjoy the slow pace of the day, not running about getting things done, sitting back peacefully.....
For me it continues till I get off the company vehicle in the morning....for before that the 45 min. long ride to the office is a nice cozy one. Listening to your fave music and dozing off to sleep...those few more winks of sleep I really look forward to. And what is even more satisfying is, when you wake up in between, and see that you still have a long way to go....
But then when the vehicle does stop for us to get down, its a different stop, not like the one when it stops at the signal. Somehow it shakes everybody up from sleep and we know that we've reached....that slow dreaded feeling crawls back in....
Well, work is not what I should be complaining about, considering I'm one of those thanking my stars for still having a job....yeah being at work is also a feeling of bliss at the moment...but i still hate Sundays....except the ones which are public holidays!
Especially when you're one of those who have nothing to look forward to at work...same monotony, and a busy Sunday (for those living in the ME), and the same urge-to-do-aargghh!
Some weekends really feel blissful, some when you maybe on your own, not wanting to do much, but just enjoy the slow pace of the day, not running about getting things done, sitting back peacefully.....
For me it continues till I get off the company vehicle in the morning....for before that the 45 min. long ride to the office is a nice cozy one. Listening to your fave music and dozing off to sleep...those few more winks of sleep I really look forward to. And what is even more satisfying is, when you wake up in between, and see that you still have a long way to go....
But then when the vehicle does stop for us to get down, its a different stop, not like the one when it stops at the signal. Somehow it shakes everybody up from sleep and we know that we've reached....that slow dreaded feeling crawls back in....
Well, work is not what I should be complaining about, considering I'm one of those thanking my stars for still having a job....yeah being at work is also a feeling of bliss at the moment...but i still hate Sundays....except the ones which are public holidays!
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
...the bigger scam??
well....I haven't written the entire winter.....what a waste of a good writing season! OK whatever, but just when I need the Internet it ditches me....everytime i sit to write, my connection goes whack! Anyways, whats the buzz these days, besides the infamous 'economic crisis'?? and to top it up, we have some 8000 crores gone with the wind, like the guys in one of the biggest online companies, thought of playing the last round of Crystal Maze with a pack of notes and were unsuccessful! Ofcourse, those notes never existed; but heck what a late realization! The funny thing is, why is this on the top of my head these days? Maybe because I see a parallel scenario with this whole Satyam scam. If you think of it, whatever is going on in the world these days, can be looked at as a stretched version of this scam! The reasons behind this worldwide recession are many; too much lending, investment in then-promising markets, positive estimation all along the way, but they all lead to the same thing - artificial income. 'The bubble has burst' is a pedestrian phrase these days. But isn't the bubble symmetrical to the one created by R. Raju? But where were we, when this bubble was being created, by us and by everybody else around us? I mean it sounds like a silly question...but don't we have to come to terms with the fact that a billion of us around the world were being foolish at the same time. People were literally gambling with their money in markets such as real estate, in the hope that its going to double, triple or quadruple. It did for a while, but it had to stop! The money has only been in the air, rather than our hands, and we all have been inflating that air around us, and what have we been left with? This continuous inflating has brought about this inflation, and now it pinches us that it was a world of illusion we were living in.
I know nothing can be done about it, buts its only a thought....this is what i call the Bigger Scam....one that has left millions worldwide jobless, penniless, hopeless and clueless, with money evaporating into thin air or rather, going back to where it belonged! Alright so, just that everybody was drowning themselves legally while the guy in Satyam did it against ethics, corporate governance, fidelity to investors, and so many other factors! Not really a world of difference between the two things.....but then again, when everybody is doing the 'same wrong' thing, its not really a crime...
I know nothing can be done about it, buts its only a thought....this is what i call the Bigger Scam....one that has left millions worldwide jobless, penniless, hopeless and clueless, with money evaporating into thin air or rather, going back to where it belonged! Alright so, just that everybody was drowning themselves legally while the guy in Satyam did it against ethics, corporate governance, fidelity to investors, and so many other factors! Not really a world of difference between the two things.....but then again, when everybody is doing the 'same wrong' thing, its not really a crime...
Sunday, 7 December 2008
Realisations that may come with room cleaning
It was a quiet day. Not wanting to do much, I opted to listen to my mom and help with cleaning my room. It wasn't one of those regular cleaning sessions, but a more significant one; where you have to pull out things from down under the bed and sort them out types...
So the drawers, cabinets were all to be stacked again..in a more organized way, disposing all that junk that had been accumulated in the name of souvenirs, old photos, letters, diaries, and what not! The so-called junk brought back a lot of memories of childhood. There were paintings and amateur portfolios of my sister's fashion designing hobby.Folded and crumbled letters from cousins back home. A whole folder of 'insightful' articles from tabloid. An egg shell painted like a face and black thread stuck to it for the hair. My English grammar assignments. School bus transport identity cards. And of course old diaries.
Some things just bring a smile to your face, reminding you of childhood activities. And of your obsession with collecting a junkyard of little nothings. But a lot reminded me today of the dreams that we had as little kids. The hobbies that shaped some of them. I had to throw out a lot of the things that we forgot about while accumulating them in the hope of bringing it to productive use some day. It reminded me not of how soon time passes by but of how soon our big dreams fade away only to be forgotten one day. It reminded me not of how fast we grow up but of how life kills some of your best aspirations while growing up. It reminded me not of our favorite pastimes but of how some events in life could take that away from us.
At times like these, we don't enjoy the pace at which life takes us to destinations unknown or unwanted. It made me wish going back to being a child, not because it generally is blissful being one, but coz I wanted to go back and live those dreams that were left incomplete. But this time it wasn't really mine but someone else's.
So the drawers, cabinets were all to be stacked again..in a more organized way, disposing all that junk that had been accumulated in the name of souvenirs, old photos, letters, diaries, and what not! The so-called junk brought back a lot of memories of childhood. There were paintings and amateur portfolios of my sister's fashion designing hobby.Folded and crumbled letters from cousins back home. A whole folder of 'insightful' articles from tabloid. An egg shell painted like a face and black thread stuck to it for the hair. My English grammar assignments. School bus transport identity cards. And of course old diaries.
Some things just bring a smile to your face, reminding you of childhood activities. And of your obsession with collecting a junkyard of little nothings. But a lot reminded me today of the dreams that we had as little kids. The hobbies that shaped some of them. I had to throw out a lot of the things that we forgot about while accumulating them in the hope of bringing it to productive use some day. It reminded me not of how soon time passes by but of how soon our big dreams fade away only to be forgotten one day. It reminded me not of how fast we grow up but of how life kills some of your best aspirations while growing up. It reminded me not of our favorite pastimes but of how some events in life could take that away from us.
At times like these, we don't enjoy the pace at which life takes us to destinations unknown or unwanted. It made me wish going back to being a child, not because it generally is blissful being one, but coz I wanted to go back and live those dreams that were left incomplete. But this time it wasn't really mine but someone else's.
Monday, 24 November 2008
...
Its funny how people can assume things the way they like...Minds work in such different and interesting ways!And even disgusting ones!
What somebody wants to understand of another person only lies in his frame of mind! Even after years of friendship, somebody can value you as a nobody based on his/her mentality and perception of things!
It feels so awkward being that nobody today, so idiotic and what a disgusting feeling! To actually be thought of doing things, that would never even cross my mind, is a feeling that isn't new to me. But sometimes, when the toll becomes too much, it comes across differently. You actually feel like a loser, being there and doing everything in your capacity to save a relationship, but one fine day, you hear all these things, and you feel like succumbing to the declining tide of the relationship. You dont have much in your control when everything you have tried fails to change the other's mind. Its all in the mind, one thing that no gadget can outsmart, one thing that is totally controlled by unknown and incomprehensible forces!
I hate the complexities of it...maybe because I fail to understand how it operates! My hatred may relate to me being taken as a culprit for nothing, but there's a point to which people can stretch! What I don't understand is that, dont they realize that point, before blaming, before accusing, before acting so retarded! Or are their minds so clogged with filth that they can't fail to understand things at all!
What somebody wants to understand of another person only lies in his frame of mind! Even after years of friendship, somebody can value you as a nobody based on his/her mentality and perception of things!
It feels so awkward being that nobody today, so idiotic and what a disgusting feeling! To actually be thought of doing things, that would never even cross my mind, is a feeling that isn't new to me. But sometimes, when the toll becomes too much, it comes across differently. You actually feel like a loser, being there and doing everything in your capacity to save a relationship, but one fine day, you hear all these things, and you feel like succumbing to the declining tide of the relationship. You dont have much in your control when everything you have tried fails to change the other's mind. Its all in the mind, one thing that no gadget can outsmart, one thing that is totally controlled by unknown and incomprehensible forces!
I hate the complexities of it...maybe because I fail to understand how it operates! My hatred may relate to me being taken as a culprit for nothing, but there's a point to which people can stretch! What I don't understand is that, dont they realize that point, before blaming, before accusing, before acting so retarded! Or are their minds so clogged with filth that they can't fail to understand things at all!
Friday, 21 November 2008
Minding its own business....
A natural backup for all your actions
A place where ideas constantly pop
When idle, it can become nasty
Its even called a devil's workshop
An abode of good memories
Also building walls of grudges
It can choose to cherish the good times
The unpleasant ones it may perish
It could be stable or never in peace
Different yet one of its kind
Home to several dreams and desires
A constant flicker of thoughts is the mind
A place where ideas constantly pop
When idle, it can become nasty
Its even called a devil's workshop
An abode of good memories
Also building walls of grudges
It can choose to cherish the good times
The unpleasant ones it may perish
It could be stable or never in peace
Different yet one of its kind
Home to several dreams and desires
A constant flicker of thoughts is the mind
at the Crossroads....
A lot of times, we relate our lives with the crossroads. That's such a perfect metaphor to define the confusion and dilemmas that we face so many times in life. They define all those times when you have a difficult choice to make or know that your decisions could have repercussions on others or even worsen already difficult situations. And those are the crossroads that I'm standing on.
Making choices has never been easy for me, even if they were the minutest of things. So now that I'm at the intersection of roads that lead to totally different paths, I really don't know which one to take. At times the frustration of so many other things, may make you feel like being impulsive and taking that road that really leads to the destination you want to reach. But when you have the time to think about things in depth, then you realize that your impulsiveness may not be the smartest decision to take. Rather it could be the one that makes you regret later on. So you turn your head towards the next direction, and think that you may consider the road ahead. Considering that it gives you time to sort your current situation and to make a compromise between what you have and what you want, it looks like a smarter move. But suddenly, somehow while you were trying to make a smart choice, other winds have blown and conditions have worsened. You may be thankful for a minute that you were lagging or the smart choice wouldn't really have turned out to be that smart! As time goes, you feel things are alright the way they are, and again its pretty much beyond your control to change things, because of the conditions around you. Gradually, you realize, you're back to square one and sulking at your surroundings again. Back to the dilemma that you were facing because somewhere the frustration has returned and made you realize how unhappy you are. And during all this time you're even aware that the decision you take can have serious repercussions on others as well. So there you are, with a guilty conscience adding to the roads that define what you want, what you have but don't want, and so many ifs and thens. That's the time you hate being standing at the crossroads...they are not as fascinating as the sound of the word itself...
Making choices has never been easy for me, even if they were the minutest of things. So now that I'm at the intersection of roads that lead to totally different paths, I really don't know which one to take. At times the frustration of so many other things, may make you feel like being impulsive and taking that road that really leads to the destination you want to reach. But when you have the time to think about things in depth, then you realize that your impulsiveness may not be the smartest decision to take. Rather it could be the one that makes you regret later on. So you turn your head towards the next direction, and think that you may consider the road ahead. Considering that it gives you time to sort your current situation and to make a compromise between what you have and what you want, it looks like a smarter move. But suddenly, somehow while you were trying to make a smart choice, other winds have blown and conditions have worsened. You may be thankful for a minute that you were lagging or the smart choice wouldn't really have turned out to be that smart! As time goes, you feel things are alright the way they are, and again its pretty much beyond your control to change things, because of the conditions around you. Gradually, you realize, you're back to square one and sulking at your surroundings again. Back to the dilemma that you were facing because somewhere the frustration has returned and made you realize how unhappy you are. And during all this time you're even aware that the decision you take can have serious repercussions on others as well. So there you are, with a guilty conscience adding to the roads that define what you want, what you have but don't want, and so many ifs and thens. That's the time you hate being standing at the crossroads...they are not as fascinating as the sound of the word itself...
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